"Ignorant Mommy"

"Ignorance is Bliss" definition - The lack of knowledge to a situation. 

Usually once the research is complete or the whole truth is revealed, you realize you were happier being clueless.

      There are definitely times in my life when I might abuse this phrase just a bit!   For example; I am NOT the most well educated person on the planet.  I don't spend my free time reading book after book.  I run for the hills whenever politics, religion, or anything that could cause confrontation comes up!  I'm the first to admit that I made it through the required areas of High School and College but most of it involved a leotard and pink tights!  I pretty much only look at the pictures at museums and as I'm typing this the pretty red lines are popping up everywhere reminding me that I can't spell to save my life! 

      That being said....  

       I got a text today from Jackson's therapist.  She was asking me if it was ok for her to give another mom my telephone number.  I said "sure" of course, and ended up talking to a Mommy that has a five year old son with Asperger Syndrome.  Apparently, Jackson's therapist said "I'm a wealth of information"!! 

  What??  

          Me??? 

                  Are you sure?!

  

                          Because typically I feel more like this...

Here is the crazy thing I have learned about my personality....  It's GREAT for having a son with AS!

       Turns out my complete lack of patience, my constant need to be doing a million things, my messy house, my short attention span, and my crazy impulsive nature has played a serious role in regards to Jackson being on the "high functioning" side of Autism!   Can you believe it?  A professional FINALLY telling me it was ok to have a messy room!  Take THAT, Mom! :p   (Ok, I'll admit that wasn't Exactly what she said, but you were not there, so.... it's close enough!)

      Here is the thing.  Aspies tend to get very uncomfortable, often.  They like routine, they like things to be clear- black and white, they prefer structure and order, everything in it's place and predictable.  It gives them a sense of control in a world that is overwhelming, confusing, and they have absolutely no control over.  

      But that is not the world Jackson has been in for the last six years.  For starters, he has a brother 17 months older than him and a sister 16 months younger!  There is nothing structured about that situation!!   Not to mention, I go completely stir crazy sitting around the house all day long so we always had a Million things to do!  I was the crazy person with the choo-choo wagon at the grocery store, restaurants and mall.  I could change my clothes, eat lunch, nurse a new born, change a diaper, and chase a toddler all at the same time!  We go to play dates, get messy, play in the rain, go on lots of road trips, and spend as much time as possible outside!   We plan big events often and we ALWAYS have people over.  

    I'm kind of a "take it or leave it", friend!  I like having nice things, LOVE to go shopping, but I don't want to live in a museum or put on a pretend show for anyone.  If you have a problem with a house that looks like it's been lived in, or are squeamish regarding a stinky "something" hiding in the car somewhere, have an issue with animal hair or poop, or might judge if you notice my sink is full of dirty dishes and there are twelve loads of laundry to do.... I'm warning you now, you are NOT going to like it at my place!

    I've been known to decide at 9pm that we need to go to the ocean, and then throw everyone and anything I can think of in the car and start driving!  We have slept in the car or camped out under the stars; made tents out of the laundry that was randomly in the car, and made our own video of "Man vs Wild"!!  The other day I decided I didn't want to be in the house anymore and that we would do our Homeschool day at the creek!  At about noon we grabbed our wagons, backpacks, chairs, table, food, snacks, books, dry erase boards, markers, towels, dogs, cooler.... drove out there and set up camp!   This is how we Roll!!  And this is how we like it! :p

     However, if Jackson had gotten a choice when he was younger, things would be much different.  

    A lot of Aspie kids NEED to have that routine and structure.  They have fallen victim to it and it's just plain easier for them and the people around them.  I am not one to judge because life is hard and different for everyone, but I'm so thankful that my crazy personality has provided the opportunity for Jackson to be uncomfortable; but "ok" with it!  His therapist said because I didn't let him hide in his cocoon like he would have preferred; it will be SO much easier to get him out of it now!  Our motto is to work through or with Aspergers, not fall victim to it!  

    I told that mom today, that I might take a different approach than she has heard before.  I'm not actually a big fan of the "text book" type books on AS.  I have, however, read every single book out there written by a child with Aspergers.  I'm much more interested, captivated, and educated by words coming straight from the source, straight from the fascinating and complicated minds of these children; then the lengthy lists of "what to do" and "how to fix it" written by medical professionals.  She asked me about schools, and siblings, and playgroups and I just shared our experience and what I have learned based on paying attention to Jackson, reading the words from other kids and adults with AS, and constantly searching blogs and articles written by other moms with aspie kids.   Even though I didn't have a bunch of medical facts or concrete answers to share with her she said she felt relieved and was grateful for all the new and real information!

    It's funny because just the other day a mom came up to me at a birthday party and thanked me for sharing "my way" of doing home-school at last years "meet the current parents of a University Model School student and ask a bunch of questions" day!!  I thought it was a complete joke that the staff asked me to participate!  Here these other mothers were walking in with their binders, and lists, and schedules, and rules!  They shared and set these amazing examples of structure, education and research.  They actually get their kids dressed, and fed, and sitting nice at a table for home-school time...  

Then I got up there and said, "Dude, sometimes we do it, and sometimes we don't!  Most of the time the kids are up in a tree doing math, or jumping on the trampoline doing spelling, and we pretty much never do Spanish.  They are learning SO MUCH at this school that I try to stay pretty chill about it!  Most of the time they are in their underwear, sometimes I never even leave my bed, and quite often we can actually use the phrase "my dog ate my homework" (or goat, or rabit, or chicken.... depends on who got out that day!).  So don't stress, cause my kids are super smart and none of the teachers have yelled at me yet!"

     That mom said it gave her a piece of mind.  She was not so stressed over the whole thing and was able to relax and enjoy herself and the time with her kids more.  

    Both of these mothers said I was a wonderful source of information and they were grateful for what I had to share!  WEIRD!!

  So, all I'm saying is.... 

Go with it, do your thing, don't stress or beat yourself up; because I'm a good example that sometimes...

"Ignorance is Bliss"!!